


The Path to Recovery

by Aquatigermice



Series: Animals [13]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Animal Shifter, Animal Transformation, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Therapy, learning to love again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23494105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquatigermice/pseuds/Aquatigermice
Summary: Everyone is born with the ability to one day take the form of one animal. Throughout history, Science has been trying to change that number. Even if the more forms a person is able to take the more unstable the individual becomes. Sam, a qualified therapist in Settling Trauma must take on his most challenging case yet, Barnes, a man who has no limit to his form. As if Sam doesn't have enough on his plate, he now has one Steve Rogers, the only known living person to have more than one form and be stable, to look after too. Sometimes you just can't catch a break.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Animals [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2050296
Comments: 51
Kudos: 73
Collections: Fandom Trumps Hate 2020, Stucky Remix 2020





	1. Prolong: The History

**Author's Note:**

  * For [emptydistractions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptydistractions/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Even the Bravest Of Us](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13747860) by [emptydistractions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptydistractions/pseuds/emptydistractions). 



> I would like to thank Neverever for beta this story. For donating their time for such a great event as FTH. Also to emptydistractions I hope you enjoy the story. ^-^ I tried to hit all the points you asked. Lastly to the mods for doing this event. I can't wait to do this again!!!

_ "Finding a stable secondary form has been a rite of passage for all since the dawn of time. There is no right or wrong amount of time for this process to take. Some have settled at a very young age. In very rare cases individuals have settled late in their adult life. However late settling does not affect their ability to function. What does affect them is when a fully settled adult becomes 'Unsettled' or as Dr. A. Erskine termed it "Soldiering". A process where an individual would be given a serum to unlock what was thought to be one's full potential. The theory being that if one could continue to change one's form in combat they would have the upper hand in battle.  _

_ This theory was never really explored as Erskine only made two "Super Soldiers" with his serum. Both of which were killed. (see Johann Schmidt pg 14 and Steve Rogers pg 7 and Appendix 4) These two men were only able to have two secondary forms. After the death of the Doctor Erskine, the quest for unlimited forms continued, but never with the results that Erskine had.  _

_ The products to come were more unstable with every new form they were able to gain. The Russians claimed to have made a Super Soldier with unlimited forms. (see: Winter Soldier pg 107). This claim has never been verified.  _

_ It was also found that trauma plays a part in form unsettling too. Due to the stressfulness of being in modern combat, a new field of study was created. This field, Settling Trauma, studies the effects of things like serums and multiple types of trauma to find ways to help resettle those who have become Unsettled. With their help, many have been successfully able to settle once more."  _

_ Text taken from The Animal I Am by Evans Antony Stan _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hid some things in here. Like Steve's birthday. I hope you liked this chapter. Now we move on to the story!!!


	2. Chapter 1: Sunny Days Are The Best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some times there are good days. Sam likes those the best.

Sam made his way up the path to Steve's. Cursing once more the job field he entered and meeting the once dead super soldier. These past months had been chaotic. It was still calming down after what happened on Insight Day. 

When one Steve Rogers told the government he was going on vacation, no one stopped him. No one wanted to try. Not when everyone all over the world just watched him take out a whole government agency. A very powerful government agency. No one wanted to be next.

No one also wanted to be the one to tell Captain America to come back to active duty. But that didn't mean he didn't have visitors. They just had to drive out to a small town. Then trek into the woods and pray to god the nicer of the two soldiers found them.

When Steve had first picked this spot in the woods, out in the middle of nowhere, Sam hated it. The walk was too far and the neighbors were nonexistent. 

But now that Barnes was back, this place couldn't be more perfect. Barnes was here, back from the dead. America's other favorite lost soldier: The Sergeant. Sam had grown up on stories of the man. The best sniper in WW2. The giant bear that kept up with the brand new form of Captain America's Lion. The heartthrob of the Commandos. The one that could pull off any look. The one that all girls wanted to marry and all guys wanted to be.

Excepted he wasn't any of that anymore. In fact, at times he wasn't all there. 

Sam had known when they saw the man on the bridge that something was very wrong with him. During the whole interaction he changed into six different animal forms. That was unheard of. Three was a far stretch. People who managed four didn't last long. Sam knew the moment that the bear appeared and Steve said "Bucky?" that some serious shit was about to go down.

Steve had said he could get Barnes to remember him. Sam wasn't sure that was possible. Was still unsure after Barnes pulled Steve's stupid ass from the river like a trout. Steve still held out hope. Had faith that, even though his best friend left him on the shore like a beached whale, that Bucky Barnes was still in there somewhere. And he remembered Steve.

Sam was skeptical of all this until they went by Steve's apartment to get some of his things. Only to find one James Barnes had taken up residence in the shot-up, bloodstained apartment. James and his history books. Every known copy that so much as mentioned the name James present.

As Sam drew closer to the den, he could see the signs that Barnes had been at least outside the cave recently. A tree with a thick trunk was cleaved right in half. 

Sam was both impressed and terrified. He moved on. Trying not to notice any of the other destruction that was around him. He needed to stay focused as he made his way forward.

This was also why Steve had moved to the woods. Barnes would lose himself for periods of time. Not that anyone could blame him. The things they did to him. The things that they made him do. It really wasn't something anyone should be able to come back from.

He was doing better now, that he had a schedule. That Steve and Bucky discussed major things in advance. Like Sam coming over or going to the neighboring small town for a book.

He sent Steve a text before setting off, telling him that he was coming but that didn't mean Steve got it. Or that Barnes would be in an okay mood. He still remembered the one time he came up here and it spooked Barnes. 

That didn't end well for anyone. Sam still had the bite mark on his back from it. 

It was part of the reasons Steve didn’t reside in the house anymore. There was a house at one point in time here in the woods. They were still making repairs to get the house livable again.

The cart rattled along as Sam pulled it. Tony had told Sam he could make it a smoother ride but the rattle was a good thing. It gave away his location. Which for once was good. Even if it went against everything in Sam's bones as a soldier.

A howl cut through the forest. A familiar greeting that had Sam looking up at the cliff face in front of him. Steve stood at the mouth of the cave. His fur gleaming in the sun. This, his first form, was bigger than it was before he took the serum. Stronger too. His pre-serum form was more of a toy breed. Sam waved. "Hey man!" he called to him, watching the eyes track his movements, sharp as ever. The ears moved forward before the tail started to wag.

Sam could see Steve relax, before turning to walk down the path towards Sam. There was a slight popping sound as Steve changed form as he rounded the bend. He was smiling when Sam saw him. That was always a good sign. "Hey!" Steve said as he took the cart from him. "Didn't realize it was delivery day yet," Steve said as he pushed the cart along. 

That wasn't anything new. With all the care that Barnes needed, anyone was bound to lose track of what day it was. "You would have realized it when you ran out of food," Sam said, knowing what kind of mood one hungry super soldier could be in. Hated to see what two hungry super soldiers could get up to.

During the rest of the way, Steve told Sam about how Barnes was coming along. There were days that the man made a lot of progress, followed by days he didn't know his own name. 

Luckily those days were getting less and less. More good days came with a cost. It meant that when the bad days hit, they hit really hard. The last time Barnes had turned into a wolverine and clawed up the walls. 

The bad days also made Steve a pain to deal with. Steve still felt the heavy burden of not being able to catch Barnes all those years ago. Always coming up with more ways he could have saved his friend. How it should have been him that all this stuff happened to. As if he could have gone through it all and came out the other end better than Barnes had. 

Survival guilt was heavy in Steve. And for once that was something that Sam could deal with. He knew a thing or two about wishing it was him. He still saw Riley in his dreams. 

Steve was determined to make sure that he would not fail Barnes again. It was both harmful and good that Barnes has such a good support system behind him.

In short, Sam now has two patients to look after. 

They enter the cave with Steve calling out to let Barnes know they had a visitor.

The entryway of the cave was split in two. The front part turned to the right. There was a kitchen set of a stove, fridge and sink, lined up against a wall. There was a smaller cave to the side where they stored cookware and dried goods. Since it was normally just the two of them and one of them had the habit of tearing things apart, they didn't have a dining room.

They did however have a sitting area. Just a couple of chairs and a sofa. All mismatched since really it made no sense to spend good money on nice things when they could be destroyed.

The second part of the cave were the bedrooms. There were two. On good days Barnes slept in the same room as Steve. Barnes had his own too. It helped him because he needed to have his own space. It was clean and very sparse of furniture. But so was Steve's. The only difference was the books that seem to multiply every time Sam visited.

It was something that they were working on. Sam was trying to make sure that they knew hobbies are good things. Barnes turned to books while Steve had purchased art supplies. He had yet to use them. He thought Sam didn't know that but he did. 

At times Sam felt out of his league. Not today though. Barnes was seated ramrod straight at the edge of one of the chairs. His metal hand twitched every so often. In his flesh hand he had a notebook.

One of the keys to helping Barnes had been letting him write. During the early days of recovering, Barnes often turned into something with claws and would carve words into whatever surface was available to him.

These notebooks decreased the destruction of all surfaces. It became a pattern for Barnes to show Sam the completed notebooks. He still did not allow anyone to read them yet. Which Sam was grateful for because god only knows the horrors that were waiting in there. 

They had a routine going, Sam would bring a new notebook everytime he would come. And no matter the size Barnes would have it filled up by the time Sam came back. Sam pulled this trip's notebook from one of the bags. He had learned to place them on the top now. 

Once he had it, Steve would wheel the cart into the kitchen to put everything away. It gives Sam time to talk to Barnes alone. "You finished that one?" Sam asked as he always did. Barnes gave him a slight nod of the head. He tightened his grip on the book. "That's good," Sam continued, "I got your new one right here." He laid the notebook on the small coffee table. Next to the flesh hand. They learned to avoid the metal arm. Barnes didn't like it when they were near it. 

Sam added the pack of brand new ink pens on top. Barnes went through pens like they were nothing. "Thanks," Barnes said, before he picked up all the items quickly and hurried them back to his rooms. 

He was back in less than a minute. "Let's go for a walk," Sam suggested. They both knew the walk was coming. Whenever the weather was nice they would take walks. If it were bad, they would sit in Bucky's room.

Sam called out to Steve telling him they were going. Steve called back to be safe and have fun. They all knew he wanted nothing more than to go with them. But he had learned it was best to let them have this time to themselves.

They walked down to the lake. There was a picnic table that they had set up there. They didn't really talk. It had never been about that. It was just a time to sit back and think. Sam would pull out his phone and they would listen to a book. They had long since gone through Harry Potter and Hunger Games. They were working their way through the classics now. Currently listening to Animal Farm. Sam would lean back and enjoy the sun.

If it was a bad day Barnes would take out his knife and add to the design in the wood. But today he just laid back on the bench. So still that the only sign he was alive was the deep breath he took every now and then.

Barnes sat up seconds before the timer went off. They only stayed out for two hours. He looked peaceful. "Well?" Sam asked. They have one last thing to do before they would go back.

Barnes considered this before he spoke. "I hate the arm because Hydra gave it to me. I feel like the arm destroys the good in everything I touch with it."

That made sense. "You do know that you can use that arm for good. A sort of ‘fuck you’ to Hydra. Let's over the next few weeks try to do something nice with the arm." Seeing Bucky's frown, he added. "At least one good thing.'' Bucky thought it over before nodding.

"I like stew. Beef ones. And not the one that comes out of the can. I like it with the big chucks of meat and vegetables." Sam thought they could get Steve to make that for them next time. He knew for a fact they were having chicken quesadilla tonight. 

Now with that over, they both headed back to the cave. Sam had made it a point to talk about one bad thing that weighed on Barnes. But also always end on a good note. Something Barnes liked and then a reward of good food. It seemed to work so far.

They could smell the food as they moved closer. Steve stood at the cave entryway waiting for them. He smiled as they drew near. Clearly happy to see them.

Bucky ran ahead once they turned the bend. Slowing only when he was a few feet away from Steve. They don't speak. Steve's smile just got bigger. Brighter. Bucky gave him a small grin before they entered the cave.

“Well, wasn't that cute,” Sam thought as he followed the two.


	3. Chapter 2: The Revelation of Thunderstorms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back for more huh? Well get ready for a ride. LOL

It rained the day that Sam returned. 

Sam didn't so much hate the rain, just disliked it at times. It was good for the planet. It washed the world clean. It was a fresh start. It was just that he wished it wouldn't rain on grocery/check up day. 

Sam found himself wishing, not for the first time, that there was an easier way to get to the super soldiers’ home. The rain made the wheels slide around so easily. Normally Sam liked to zone out on the way. Think of what he would do later that day. Maybe go for a flight. 

But when it rained, all focus was on keeping the blasted cart on the path and cursing both Rogers and Barnes’ names to hell and back. He was so focused that he didn't see he had company. A little black snake was slithering alongside next to him. He almost jumped at the sight of it. 

"Dammit Natasha!! Why do you have to do things like that?" The snake didn't listen to him as they kept moving forward. As they got nearer to their destination the snake leapt up and seamlessly changed into a spider, her second form. Nat climbed up the side of the cart. Not stopping as she crawled onto Sam and settled under his ear, saved from the rain by his jacket. 

"Really?" Sam asked but kept going. Days that Natasha came to help were a blessing. It meant that she would spend time with Barnes and Sam got Steve. 

Since Steve had gotten his oldest and most unstable best friend back, he hadn't gone out much. He only allowed himself trips once in a while. They were short and with the time spent mostly checking his phone for updates. Ones that Natasha never sent. 

She knew how much Steve needed this time. It was unhealthy for them to spend as much time together with no breaks. Which Sam had voiced on multiple occasions.

They continued on. Or rather Sam did and Natasha sat quietly. Steve did not greet them with a howl today. Nor was he waiting at the bend. These were never good signs. It all pointed to one thing. James was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Sam slowed his pace as the mouth of the cave drew nearer. "Hey guys! I got your supplies and Natasha came with!" he called out. He stopped in his tracks. The room was a mess. There was overturned furniture all over the place and food was scattered around. What was more upsetting were the differently-sized claw marks on the walls.

Growling came from one of the corners. Followed by a shushing noise before Steve appeared. He didn't look too well. 

Steve's face was covered in fuzz as if he hadn't shaved in days. The bags under his eyes had deepened. Meaning that he hadn't been sleeping like he should. The shirt hung off his frame and the sweatpants all but looked like they were two seconds away from dropping to the floor.

He was trying to hold a squirming weasel in his hands as it alternated between clawing any skin it could get to nuzzling the same exposed areas. Sam mentally shook his head as Natasha crawled off, changing forms as soon as she hit the ground. She barely even spared Steve a look. 

"Sam, you take Steve, I got James," she said, lifting the half white, half brown creature and moving towards the back of the cave. Steve reached out after her but thought better of it. He knew better than to stop Nat when her mind was made up. 

"Let's go get something to eat. Nat got him," Sam said as he lifted a coat from the rack by the door. Steve stared at the coat, seemingly lost in his mind for a moment before he took it. 

Sam waited patiently as Steve put the coat on. Then they both changed. It was faster this way and Steve looked like he needed a good run. Needed to let out a lot of the energy that he had to hold in around Barnes.

They went the long way. Steve keeping up with Sam's fast flight path. They didn't speak. Not after they got to the restaurant. Not after they ordered. Nor while they ate. It wasn't until the coffee came and the plates were taken away that Sam spoke. 

"So what happened? I thought we had a list of triggers." They did. Everytime something set Barnes off they wrote it down. Tried to work through it. It was one thing to know what could set him off. It was another to know that it no longer did so. Still Barnes hadn't settled. Sam wasn't even sure if he could settle. He had never had a case like this, even with all the veterans he had to coach, Sam was still underprepared for Barnes.

A normal person settled on an animal form at a young age. Trauma caused a change in what that animal was. But Barnes was tortured. Subjected to years of experiments that caused Barnes to forget who he was. And if you don't know who you were, well, you can be anything. The technology was used on Natasha. Only it did not work as well.

"Today started out so well." Steve looked so lost. "We were in the living room. Reading like you said to do. And Buck leaned into me. And as soon as our skin touched he freaked out." Sam frowned. "Well, on the bright side, at least he was initiating touch." Steve sighed. "Sam, am I crazy to do this? To keep trying?" His eyes shone with emotions. 

"No, Steve." Sam truly believed what he was saying. "You are doing fine. It's just something like this wasn't going to be easy. Cases like this are never easy. We have to go slowly. We will make mistakes. If you have any doubts, just look at the progress we have made."

Steve thought for a moment. "I guess. I mean while you were gone we had a good day. He remembered when we were kids. And his Mama made soda bread. I woke up the next morning and he had made some. Told me he couldn't for the life of him remember how he did it, just that his hands knew." Steve smiled at the end.

"See, man, that's what I mean," Sam said gently.

"But Sam, he still hasn't settled yet. I watched him yesterday when he flipped out. He snapped between forms before I could really see them. How long will Bucky be like this? How long until Bucky settles again?"

Steve sounded desperate for an answer to a question that Sam asked himself everyday. That Sam asked every expert in the field. The one that didn't have an answer. But Steve wasn't going to want to hear that. It was here that Sam had to remind himself that Steve too was in his care.

"Steve," Sam said very softly but it was enough to stop whatever tree of anguish that Steve was slamming his head into. "Do you know why I picked this field to major in after I got out of the military?"

Steve shook his head in a way that showed he wasn't sure why they were talking about this now. "Well, as I told you, Riley died in the middle of a mission. He took a hit, a bad one and it knocked him out the sky. I couldn't save him." Sam paused, trying to pull himself together to speak the words.

Steve opened his mouth to speak but Sam lifted a hand. "I tried to get to him in time. We both knew I wouldn't make it. Even as I reached for him still. In the seconds before he… before he died. Riley did something amazing." Sam let his voice show amazement. 

"He changed his form. Not once but twice. A mouse and then an elephant. Neither of which were his normal form of a Eurasian Hobby, since I know you don't know what that is Steve, it's a small but very fast falcon. Everyone in the program was some type of falcon. But anyways I wanted to know why these animals? Why not something with wings? What made him think that these were good ideas? I may never know why but it has taken me a long time to understand that trauma affects us all differently. It changes us."

Steve frowned at that. "Barnes has gone through more trauma than has ever been documented. We can only do our best and be here for him as he moves forward."

Steve doesn't speak as they get take-out for the others. In fact, he doesn't say anything until they are at the bend in the path, changing back to their human forms for the final steps. "Do you think that maybe Riley chose the elephant because he knew he was going to die and wanted to just get it over faster?" Sam can tell Steve regretted it as soon as he said it. 

"Yeah, it has crossed my mind several times. That if I was faster I could have caught him as a mouse." Steve looked at Sam. "Maybe… He knew that if you caught him there wouldn't be enough time to pull up. It would have killed both of you," Sam turned sharply towards Steve. He never thought of that, of Riley trying to save him.

"He chose your life over his own. Sometimes for a brief moment, I think I see Bucky letting go of the bar before it pulls loose. Like he knew it was over for him, that the world still needed me. That I was more important than him. That I could have lived without him. I could have, Sam, I just didn't want to. That's what makes you stronger than me." Then Steve was gone, ducking back into the cave without another word.

Sam let the rain seep into his skin. He didn't go back in until Natasha came out for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is always nice to have Natasha around. Also figured we needed to have a little more background. Next chapter is going to be "fun".


	4. Chapter 3: The Swift Changes of Weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Change of POV!!! We need to hear what Steve thinks. But don't worry Sam will be back. Also sometime it has to get really bad before it can get better.

It was a dry autumn day, the kind when you knew rain was coming, that it was needed but would not bring the relief that you wanted or hoped for. All the rain would do would add a wet factor and drive the humidity up. 

Steve could already tell it was going to be a very long day. Bucky and he both tried to ease their unsettled nerves by diving head first into their respective hobbies. Steve had picked up a paint brush in the past few months, even if he hadn't shown Sam.

It wasn't because he was trying to hide what he did. No, what it came down to was that the images and colors that appeared were not the things you wanted to share. His canvases were haunted with images of death, violence, of war and of Bucky. Bucky's eyes, wild on the table, as he looked up at Steve like Steve was another part of his imagination that was going to tear him apart. Of Bucky's eyes, as he stared down the barrel of his sniper gun, cold and calculating. But the one that was featured the most was Bucky falling, reaching for him. Yelling that Steve could have saved him. Should have saved him.

There were so many of those images that Steve had lost count. It seemed that no matter how many times he drew or painted them, the images were still in his head. They visited him nightly, a constant bed mate.

Today, though the images didn't seem to want to come out. They stubbornly dodged Steve at every attempt to extract them. Buck didn't seem to be having any luck either judging by his muttering. Followed by the sounds of paper ripping or a pen scrubbing across the too-thin surface of paper.

They each have their own corner to be in. Although Steve has repeatedly told Bucky that he was allowed over anytime, that Steve had no secret to hide from Bucky, he still had not let Steve look in the books. Steve sighed from the other side of the room.

He immediately regretted it when he saw Bucky's shoulder tense. They had been dancing around each other for the past week. Ever since Sam visited. Steve knew it was bad when he woke that morning to find Bucky had left at some point in the night and went back to his room.

Steve hated how they were right now. Would give anything to make it alright. "Can you take that shit elsewhere, Rogers, some of us don't want to be dragged down into your pity party." Bucky's voice growled out to him. Steve could feel his own temper rise. 

It always pissed Steve off when Bucky called him Rogers. And Bucky was well aware of it. This was a button that Steve had even when they were kids and Bucky may not have remembered everything but he did remember this.

"Oh, I am so sorry to interrupt. I forgot that YOU’RE the only one allowed to throw pity parties. Excuse me for forgetting." Bucky stood up abruptly. "Think you're so clever. You and your mouth are dragging everyone down with your careless words."

Steve narrowed his eyes at him. "At least I let people in on how I am feeling instead of locking it away in some book or confiding in strangers!!!!"

He shut his mouth with an audible click. The moment the words were out of his mouth, he knew he had gone too far. Bucky looked shocked for a few moments before rage shifted across his features. 

His form changed with a staticy pop. Steve barely had time to duck as the giant brown bear flipped the couch with one deathly clawed paw sending it flying into the wall behind Steve. Steve rolled out the way as one of the armchairs followed. 

Bucky roared at him towering over everything else in the room as Steve curled into a ball. For once not willing to fight. Bucky roared once more before tearing out of the room, destroying anything that was in his path. 

Steve took two deep breaths before he changed into a lion and was out the door hot on the bear’s heels. "Bucky!" he snarled at the retreating furry back.

At the sound of Steve's voice, there was another pop and now in place of the bear was a deer. It darted fast through the underbrush, increasing the gap between the two of them as Steve's giant paws were tangled in the small plants. Lions were not meant for the jungle.

Steve roared in frustration as the white underside of Bucky's tail became harder to see.

He couldn't lose Bucky again. With the way Bucky was running, he might not come back this time. Steve jumped over a fallen log, changing into a sleek golden retriever. 

When Steve landed, he started making up the sizable distance that Bucky had gained. Bucky must have sensed that Steve was gaining as he changed once more, this time into a rabbit. Hind legs threw him forward faster as they raced through the woods. Steve howled after him. He had Bucky's scent, but he wouldn't let him out of his sight if he didn't have to.

When Steve was a few feet away from Bucky, he heard the sound of rushing water. They were nearing the river. Bucky must have been trying to lose Steve at the water bank. But instead of continuing straight on, Bucky veered right and picked up speed.

Steve followed, still trying to figure out where Bucky was going. All that was this way was the...Shit, Steve thought. He speeded up. 

All that was this way was the waterfall.

Steve hoped that he was wrong, but it looked as if Bucky might be trying to pull a Riley. That Bucky just might think he was dragging Steve down with him.

The tree line broke ahead of them, water spraying up from the plunge pool below. And Bucky showed no signs of stopping. He launched off the ground into the air, paws outstretched in all directions. 

Steve went over too, but as he fell, he changed. One human hand grabbing for Bucky's hindlegs, the other grabbing hold of some poor sapling. 

They dangled for a moment before Steve got his bearings back, slowly Steve brought them back up over the edge. 

Once they were over the side and safe, Steve moved Bucky into a better hold. Bucky just hung there, the fight seemingly drained from him. That still didn't mean that Steve would lessen his grip on Bucky. Steve slowly put his back to the water, blocking it out as he moved back towards the cave.

It started to rain. A blinding type that made Steve detour. The cave was too far away. It would be more practical to head to the house. It was barely visible through the rain and if Steve blinked, it could disappear like a ghost in a heartbeat.

The stairs creaked underfoot as Steve ran up the steps. He only slowed as he crossed the threshold. With the door left open Steve headed straight to the linen closet. There Steve wrapped Bucky first, feeling the tiny tremors that had been racing through Bucky's body finally slow. Steve carefully rubbed the towel into the wet coat till he was satisfied that Bucky was getting dry.

He let the wet towel fall to the floor before picking out a few more towels. Steve took them to the living room, in front of the fireplace. It was here that he puts Bucky down. 

The cold wind that blew through the house reminded Steve that the front door was still wide open. Steve gave Bucky one last look before going back to the door securing it as best he could. The wind outside howled at him. Steve wanted to howl back but he had more pressing matters.

Steve trudged back into the room, passing by Bucky and the lumpy towel pile. Bucky had burrowed into the towels. His ears were pinned back close to his head and his hind foot thumped against the floor broadcasting his distress.

Ignoring that, Steve didn't speak as he walked by, kneeling down in front of the fireplace. There Steve set to work getting the fire started.

Once the flames were strong and the wood was stacked high, Steve then changed back into his dog form. It was much easier to shake off the excess water in this form. When Steve's fur was drier, he moved back towards the towels.

He listened as the thumping increased. Steve was too tired to go about this the slow way. So he just crawled into the makeshift nest. Curling tightly around Bucky before giving Bucky's head a lick. 

Steve continued to lick until he could hear the heartbeat slow against his own body. 

Only then did Steve speak. "Buck," he said softly. "We can't keep doing this. We got to find a solution. Because I know you are hurting. I am hurting too. But the rate we are going now... it's going to destroy us both. We have to try to figure this out. I know it won't be easy but --"

Bucky hopped out from under Steve's paws. His fur standing on end. "Not easy!! Not easy, Stevie, was trying to eat enough with the serum running through my body!" 

He paced back and forth. "This here is nearly impossible! I can't remember to eat. I can't sleep! And some days I can't remember my own freaking name."

"But we are working on that," Steve said as he stood.

Bucky rounded on him. His tiny eyes glared at him. "I can't settle Steve!!" he shouted he shifted seamlessly back to human. Steve glared as he shifted too. "That's bull and you know it Buck! You did it just fine when we were kids. Did it before most of us. Just do whatever you did before."

Bucky’s eyes are darting back and forth which makes Steve worried that Bucky will bolt. Steve readied himself for another chase. 

"Ha. It was never easy Steve. You of all people should know that. Besides that won't work this time!" Bucky replied. Steve frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "How would you even know if you haven't even tried!" 

"Because punk! You don't need me anymore!" Bucky's eyes went wide after the words left his mouth. As if he didn't want anyone but him and his notebooks to know that particular secret. Steve felt his own eyes widen. "Buck. What the hell does that mean?" Bucky was already turning, heading out of the room. Already trying to run. But Steve wasn't going to let this go, He was already moving after Bucky. 

Steve grabbed Bucky’s flesh hand and dug his full weight onto his heels. Bucky didn't pull away, he also didn't run which counted for something. They stood. The only sound was each of them breathing.

"I," Bucky started off. Gulping for air before trying again. "When we were young. You always got into fights. And I knew that you could use all the help that you could get. So I knew whatever I would settle as, it had to be something that could stand up for both of us." 

Steve smiled a little. "You became a bear for me?" His heart fluttered at the nod Bucky gave him. "I had a thought about mama bears protecting their cubs and it just clicked."

He can hear the smile in Bucky's voice. "So you wanted me to be your cub?" Steve joked. Bucky growled in annoyance, pulling his hand free. Steve let go without a fight.

"You say I don't need you, does that mean that you don't want me around?" Steve forced those words out his mouth. They felt like cotton on his tongue.

Bucky paused midstep, his whole entire body tense. 

"If you want me to go, Buck, I will. I will help you in any way I can, even if it means that you never want to see me again. That's how much you mean to me."

The words hung heavy between them but Steve felt better for finally saying them. Lighter for finally getting them out. Sam was right about this whole talking-things-out thing.

Bucky moved first, turning to face Steve. Steve could see the different emotions flicker across his face. Buck's features settled on determination as he strode purposely across the space between them. 

He showed that he was nervous only when he reached towards Steve. There was a slight shake in the metal arm. Sam said that Bucky saw the arm as Hydra. 

Steve never saw it that way. 

Bucky stepped slowly into Steve's space, eyes impossibly large, the flesh hand coming up to cup Steve's face so gently. Steve couldn't breathe as Bucky pulled him forward into a kiss. It's soft, full of promise of things to come. Of the future and more.

Bucky pulled away first. "I always wanted you, Stevie." There was a shy smile on his face, a glimpse of the old Bucky. "It may take time but I don't want you to go. I want to stay by your side, even if you don't need me."

Steve took the metal hand placing it over his own heart. "Just cause the serum changed some things doesn't mean I don't need you. That I ever stopped needing you. I am still me, Buck. Still that skinny pup from Brooklyn who doesn't know when to quit." 

Bucky looked down at the hand even if he couldn't feel the heartbeat, he knew it was there, steadily beating. He looked up at Steve. "I am not me anymore. I am not even sure I am worth all this trouble." Steve shook his head, holding Bucky tightly. 

"That’s okay, Bucky. We will figure it out together. However long it takes." Bucky nodded. They moved back to the pile, Steve shifting into a dog and Bucky taking on the form of a fox. They curled back up, sharing each other's space.

They both knew they had a long way to go but they were now on the path to recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still with me? What do you think? Did you like the appearance of Bucky bear? ;) Any guesses as to what Bucky's final form will be?


	5. Chapter 4: When the Snow Melts What Does it Become?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys this is it. I hope you like it.

Sam came to see them a month later, on an icy winter's day.

The air was cold in a way that promised that more snow was coming. Sam trudged forward, through the snow that was already on the ground, grumbling as he went. There had got to be a better way to deliver the food. Sam thought, maybe air-dropping it. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea. 

As Sam moved closer, he felt concerned. Something had happened that had profoundly shifted the balance of everything. He could tell. It felt like something had righted itself in the world. It was how he felt when he first met Steve, after the loss of Riley. That here was someone that needed him, just as much as he needed them. 

Sam picked up his pace. His curiosity burned with wanting to know what had happened. What had changed?

A screaming call from above made Sam notice the red tailed hawk circling him. A howl called back in reply that told Sam it was a good day for both Steve and Bucky. Sam watched Barnes in the sky. Barnes made several turns before swooping down towards him. Sam froze, letting Barnes make the next move.

Barnes pulled up at the last second, gliding onto the cart. Sam waited as Barnes tucked his wings and got situated. "You good man?" Sam asked. Barnes swiveled his head around to glare at him as if to say 'Lets get a move on!!!'

Sam shrugged his shoulders before they continued on. He wasn't sure if he should be flattered that Barnes chose to take on his form today. They said imitation was the best form of flattery, so if Sam chose to take it that way, could anyone one blame him.

Barnes perched on the bars, seemingly content to preen his feathers as they traveled. Sam was starting to think he was some kind of taxi for spies. He needed to start charging them.

Steve was waiting for Sam at the bend. Barnes called to him before flying towards Steve's outstretched arm. Steve smiled as he stroked Barnes' beak. "Hey Sam! I got coffee on."

Sam liked the sound of that. He followed Steve and Bucky to the cave. Once inside, Steve motioned for Sam to take a seat on the couch. A fire pit was dug out in the ground in front of the couch. There a cheerful fire burned within the pit. It gave off enough heat so that the cave was not stifling. 

Steve rolled the cart to the kitchen. A human Barnes returned a moment later to hand him a cup of coffee, steaming hot, made just the way he liked. Steve followed with glasses of water in each hand. Steve handed one to Bucky and they both took a seat in the set of chairs catty-corner to Sam. It was then that Sam noticed the couch had been redone, yet again.

He eyed them warily over his cup. Steve's body was twitching very slightly a sign that he was excited about something. While Barnes tapped his hand against his thigh rhythmically. The waters sat untouched.

The pair went from looking at each other to Sam in a way that was working on Sam's last nerve. Sam placed his cup down on the table. "Ok what's going on? Did you guys adopt a bear or something?" He looked back and forth between the two. Trying to judge who will break first.

His money was on Steve. 

"I am ready to try to stabilize my form." Barnes said, causing Sam's eyebrows to take a quick trek up his forehead. Sam looked between the two, gaging if they were fooling with him or not. He concluded that they were serious about the idea.

"You do know that there's no hurry to get this done. That even if you do achieve your form, it won't magically fix everything that's wrong with you?" He had done this several times before. A soldier would think that if they only tried, it would be like a magic eraser and poof, all the wrongs would be gone.

Barnes nodded. "I understand that. It just feels like it's time. That not trying is holding me back. If I can do this, I know I can one day make a recovery." It was a good answer, Sam thought. But it had always been Sam's job to look beyond what was actually said and hear and see what was not.

"Are you doing this for you? Or are you doing this for Steve?" It was a low blow but if they were going to do this, he needed to know why.

Bucky looked at Steve. Steve nodded, reaching for Barnes' hand, holding it tight. It was in a reassuring way, not controlling, Sam noted.

"We talked." Barnes said. "More like we fought and had no choice but to talk." Steve butted in. Barnes glared at him but continued. "We worked out some things between us. Giving ourselves our own homework. Came to terms that we have grown from the two kids from Brooklyn."

Steve smiled a little. "You could say we've been through a bit of couples counseling." Barnes rolled his eyes. "Point is, I believe, that the reason I couldn't settle was because I didn't know who I became after Hydra. Or at least I was afraid to find out who I am now. But I want to know. I need to know, Sam."

Sam nodded. He already figured some of that already. Had tailored the questions to suit Barnes’ needs. "Alright man, If you feel you are ready, let’s go for it." He watched as Steve and Bucky both let out a breath. "When were you wanting to do this?" Sam asked. You need to always let a patient like this feel like their choices are theirs and theirs alone. Otherwise they will never get better on their own.

"Now. If that's not possible, then by tonight. I think I've waited long enough," Barnes replied. Sam thought it over. Dusk was only a few hours away. It would give him time to go over the questions once more.

Ideally, Sam would rather have more people here. Friends and family. The more support one had the better the outcome. But what it came down to was that Barnes didn't really have anyone else. Just Steve. Maybe Natasha. That was it. But it might be enough. Sam did consider the fact that just seeing Steve's mug of a face was enough to crack through what Hydra had done to Barnes.

Sam looked up at Barnes, making sure that he held eye contact between the two of them. "Ok, if that's what you want, we will do it tonight." Barnes gave him a slight smile before he stood. "Thank you, Wilson," Barnes said, holding out his hand to shake Sam's own.

The handshake was firm and shockingly made with the metal hand. Both Steve and Barnes left Sam in the main room. Steve retreated to the kitchen while Barnes headed towards the bedrooms. Sam didn't worry about them as he pulled out the journal from his inner pocket. He needed to prepare and pull himself together for tonight.

Steve had given the thin leather-bound journal to Sam as a joke. An item that was out of place in a world where notes were normally made in a digital format.

At first, Sam wasn't sure what he was going to do with it. At least, not until Steve showed up at his door asking for help. Now it held his notes and progress for Barnes. 

Sam lost himself going over the final notes for the process he and Bruce Banner had worked out. Making sure that everything was ready before setting the book down, finally looking up at Steve and Barnes. 

Both Barnes and Steve were sitting in front of him. They both looked nervous. "Sorry about that," Sam said standing. "Are we ready?" He asked, looking around the room to see if they had enough of a space to work with. 

Barnes frowned. "I have a better place, if that’s okay." Sam mulled it over. It had been a proven and shown benefit that, if a person can be somewhere they are more comfortable, the outcome was improved.

"Sure, man, lead the way," Sam said. 

The place Barnes led them to was deep in the woods, on the bank of a river. Sam knew this would be a good place to do this. The water provided a soothing sound track in the background. It was also symbolic. Water cleansing away the bad. 

It was also perfect for what it represented. The last place that Barnes was himself. The element that saved him. There was no doubt that if Barnes didn't fall into the river he would have died on impact. 

Steve, who was at Barnes' side and holding his hand, gave it a final squeeze before stepping back. Barnes remained at the water's edge. Steve moved to the side. Right there if they needed him, but out of the way. He understood that Barnes needed to do this on his own. 

"Ok James, are you ready?" Sam asked. Barnes gave him a slight dip of the head in reply. Sam moved in front of him. Giving just enough space to make it feel like he wasn't crowding Barnes.

"Ok man. I know we talked about this a little before, but let’s go over it once more. This won't be like when you were a kid and you were human and then suddenly you just changed. Also the normal process won't work for you since you seemed to have unlimited forms. So I talked it over with a few others and Banner and I worked out this new process for you. "

Sam gave Barnes a reassuring smile. "So I will ask you a question. You will reply when you are ready with an animal. You can take as long as you need to answer. I only ask and this is important that you start with human form and shift to your original form before going to the animal you choose for your answer. Then back to original form to human."

Pausing, Sam let his words sink in. "So that will be human, base, new form, then base, human. Repeat that please," Sam said. Barnes repeated it back in a serious tone. Sam made Barnes repeat it twice, then made him physically go through the process three times before they proceeded.

"That was great. So let's start with what form makes you feel safe?" Sam watched as Barnes thought for a moment. Then he changed into a bear then into a ferret. 

Sam wrote down a word. "Okay, base then human." He watched Barnes change back. "What animal makes you think of hope?" The reply was shockingly a hawk. Sam's base form. Sam wrote down another word.

Sam continued. "Independent?" A dog. Sam goes on. "Strong?" Polar bear. Barnes faltered in the changing but came back to himself within seconds. "Fast?" This revealed a viper. 

Barnes wheezed as he shifted back to his human form. Sam gave him a moment before he pressed forward.

"Your final question is the most important, James. I want you to relax. Clear your mind. Listen to all I have to say before you change." 

Sam waited for Barnes to respond before reading over his notes. "Okay, what makes you feel nimble, swift, resourceful, adaptable, deadly. What makes you feel like your home?"

Barnes stood still for a moment before his body seemed to shift rapidly between forms. "Buck!!" Steve said, stepping towards Barnes but Sam cut him off. "Let him be, Steve. He has got to do this on his own." Steve whined as he stepped back.

Barnes flicked through a few more forms before he screamed. That scream slowly morphed into a howl as his form rippled. Fur as white as the moon above sprang out from his skin. The triangle shaped ears pulled back as the keen brown eyes shut. Barnes' head tilted back, his muzzle opened and the howl rang into the air. No longer of pain but of hope of a job well done. A call. Steve shifted a second later to join in the call. Saying 'You’re not alone, I am here. You're my pack.'

Barnes glanced at Sam, before he turned his body towards Sam. Steve moved too, body also facing Sam. Together they howled again, calling to Sam. Asking a question. An invite. 

Sam felt the tears in his eyes as he shifted before he could think. They called again and this time Sam joined them. His wings spread out behind him, beak shining in the moonlight. “I am here,” he shouted. Then screamed louder into the night sky, up to the heavens, to Riley and beyond. “This is my pack!”

He knew he wasn't okay. He knew Steve and Bucky weren't okay too but they will be one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it!! Another one down and in the books. Hope you enjoyed it. When I picked out the story for my remix I started writing notes for this one but changed my mind and wrote a different one. After getting ¾ of the way done with the other story I didn't think it would work the way I wanted it to as a remix. So I returned back to this one and I am very pleased with it. Anyways that is all there is. See you the next time around.


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